What Is Depersonalization?

Depersonalization (and Derealization) refers to a feeling of disconnection from yourself and the world around you. It is generated by the body's fight-or-flight response, and is part of the brain's defensive mechanism.

In evolutionary terms, the feeling of seperation from reality can actually be very beneficial as it allows you to extricate yourself from a dangerous situation / environment without being totally overwhelmed by it. It's sometimes referred to in psychology as 'the airbag of the brain'!

However, and particularly when the feelings are triggered by situations where there is no physical danger (i.e., a panic attack), the feelings can be focused on, generating the catastrophic interpretation that you are 'going crazy' or dying, dreaming etc.

This can generate a feedback loop between the symptoms themselves and the anxiety that's generating them, which can last for much longer than the trigger incident itself. This is referred to as Depersonalization / Derealization Disorder (DP/DR).

Symptoms commonly encountered with DP/DR include:

• Feeling disconnected from your body or surroundings
• A sense of being in a dreamlike state
• Emotional numbness or lack of reality
• Difficulty focusing or concentrating

It's a very scary feeling, especially when it lasts for much longer than it should. However, the good news is that it doesn't matter what caused it or how long it's lasted, Depersonalization / Derealization is still a 100% harmless and temporary condition.

It's also much more common than you might imagine. Research shows that Depersonalization Disorder affects 2% of the population. That's 1 in every 50 people!

I had it for two years myself and it put my life on hold for that time. Fortunately, I made a complete recovery, and in the 20 years since then I have spoken to and worked with tens of thousands of people, helping them to recover too.

And one of the most common questions I hear is this:

What does Depersonalization recovery FEEL like?

Well, the short answer is that it feels great!

100% Depersonalization recovery is truly a gift, and life after Depersonalization feels like a fresh start, free from anxiety and DPDR symptoms. I am so, SO grateful that I have my life and career back on track and that I’m no longer a prisoner to anxious thinking and feelings of Depersonalization and Derealization.

In particular, I am SO happy that I am able to travel and see the world again -- as that was a very strong fear for me and something I thought I would never be able to do again.

There are times when I look back and remember that I lost a full two years of my life to Depersonalization before figuring out the way to recover. It’s hard to believe!  

So, what does the Derealization and Depersonalization recovery process involve?

Here’s a very brief overview of the stages of Depersonalization recovery!

4. You Accept That Depersonalization + Derealization Are Not Dangerous

Yes, the symptoms of Depersonalization and Derealization are very frightening -- there’s no doubt about that. But that doesn't change the fact that Depersonalization and Derealization cannot harm you.

Of course they can't. Why not?

Because they are normal, natural, common symptoms of anxiety. That's all.

Is muscle tension dangerous? How about sweating? How about hyperventilation?

Ok, none of these anxiety symptoms are pleasant -- but they are also absolutely not dangerous.

And just like them, DP and DR are also not the most pleasant experience, but they are NOT dangerous.

They can't hurt you and they will never, ever, turn into anything worse.

Realizing that Derealization and Depersonalization are nothing more than anxiety symptoms is fundamental to your recovery.

Why so? Because it means you accept it’s ok to be scared and -- just for the time being -- you can allow it to exist without overwhelming you.

3. You Stop Overreacting To Good Days and Bad Days

Recovering from Derealization and Depersonalization involves understanding the stages of recovery -- where both good AND bad days are perfectly normal.

And that's ok! Why?

Because recovery from ANY anxiety-based condition -- or ANY habit of thought -- means you're going to have good days and bad days.

Is that a problem? An obstacle to recovery?

Of course not. It's a normal and natural part of the recovery process. It is to be expected.

Recovery from any anxiety-based condition is never, ever a smooth curve that lessens every day.

It's more like the stock market or a mountain range! There are going to be ups and downs, spikes and drops in anxiety levels, good days and bad.

But again -- That's NOT a bad thing. In fact -- it's a very positive thing and it means that you're on the right track.

But it WILL even out over time. The bad days become less dramatic and things just start to flatten out as you get 100% back to normal.

The key to recovery is to not to overreact to either the good days or the bad days. 

You don’t allow yourself to feel too down when you feel DPDR, but at the same time, you don’t allow yourself to get overly excited when you start having completely DPDR-free days (which you will do, very soon!)

Why is this? Because doing so reinforces the belief that the DPDR itself is IRRELEVANT.

You're training yourself towards the mentality of life after Depersonalization, where it simply doesn't matter. In the same way that you may have felt muscle tension / heart palpitations etc in the past.

Yes, it's an uncomfortable experience, but it's harmless and temporary. It was never going to hurt you and it's simply not relevant to you anymore.

Good or bad, whether it’s there or not, you do not allow it to overly affect your emotions.

This habit, strengthened by some simple rules to follow each day, will completely defuse the power that the DPDR has over you.

2.  You Stop Caring Whether DPDR Is There Or Not

This is a BIG sign that you're recovering from Depersonalization and Derealization!

The feelings of DPDR (and the anxiety that's driving them) may come and go during the recovery process, but it affects you less and less.

Sure, it might be there sometimes -- But it doesn’t bother you or affect your behaviour or day-to-day choices anymore.

It may seem like a small thing, but it's a big deal. Why?

Because you're actively giving the DPDR less and less space in your mind and in your life.

You are removing all the narrative scaffolding that propped up DPDR in the first place, allowing for long-term recovery.

You understand that the only reason that it became an ongoing problem in the first place was because you were misinterpreting your body and brain's natural and correct defense mechanisms.

The only reason you cared about it was not because you were actually in danger, but because you got into the habit of caring about it!

When you understand what DPDR actually is, you can start to let go of that habit.

1.  You Start To Forget About DPDR Completely

Of all the stages of Depersonalization recovery, this is really the sign that you're on the home stretch!

So you know those little windows of time in which you're not thinking about DPDR?

(If you've only the condition for a short time, these windows are usually quite small. Maybe 10-20 seconds if you're playing a video game or watching a movie!)

Well, those windows of time get bigger, and they get closer together. You start to have more and more stretches of time in which you're just not thinking about Depersonalization / Derealization at all.

And when you notice that you haven't been thinking about DPDR, you're less likely to then immediately start focusing on it again. Because why would you?

You know that even if it was quite a scary experience, it's temporary and harmless and it will fade away and stop.

And just like having a song stuck in your head, the forgetting about it happens not when you're focusing on the song and trying to forget about it, but when you're focusing away from it.... and just listening to other music!

Your brain understands that it simply doesn't need to have the DPDR around anymore, and so it lets it go and forgets about it -- just like it does with any other habit of thought when the focus is taken away from it.

In the same way that you forget that you were supposed to have a song stuck in your head, you simply forget that you're supposed to have Depersonalization / Derealization.

And it fades away and stops, completely. Life after Depersonalization means just DPDR is 100% gone.

It's neither a good thing nor a bad thing, it's just gone!

Conclusion

I know that the symptoms of Depersonalization and Derealization can be very frightening, confusing and even overwhelming.

But in simple, practical terms, what you've been experiencing is actually very simple.

DPDR and all of its symptoms, are just symptoms of anxiety. Because DPDR is an anxiety-based condition.

And like all anxiety-based conditions, DPDR needs your attention in order to exist.

Your attention is its oxygen. When you deprive it of your attention, you deprive it of the oxygen it needs to exist.

And when you do that consistently, Depersonalization fades completely and stops as if it had never been there.

As you follow these stages of Depersonalization recovery, you’ll notice lasting changes in your mindset.

Why? Because you’re basically reversing the process that caused the DPDR to become a thought-habit in the first place -- and then total recovery happens quite quickly.

And yes, that’s total Derealization and Depersonalization recovery -- no strings attached, without any trace of DPDR left, without having to deal with residual anxiety or fears.

Life after Depersonalization means rediscovering your true self, free from DPDR symptoms and anxiety. Total recovery is not only possible but always achievable with the right mindset. You can and will get 100% back to normal.

I did it after two years of chronic Depersonalization, and I know thousands of people who did it after far more - and far less - time with DPDR.

And you can do it too.